Listen up, shoppers!

OK...just to be clear about this; there are days when I really do like my job. Then there are other days....Next time ya'll (practicing my Texas speak)go shopping please keep in mind a few simple rules.
1. If you're buying 12 jugs of water/drain cleaner/fruit punch, it's only necessary to put 1 of them on the conveyer belt at the register.
2. Above rule also kind of applies if you have 48 cans of doggy/kitty/hampster food. However, you must let us know how many of each flavor you are purchasing. Yes, I know that each can is the same price, but the computer does the ordering so if I ring up 48 cans of the same flavor, the next time you are shopping with us Fido/Snookims/Mr. Squeeky will only have the "beefy bone surprise" flavor on shelf and will no doubt be disappointed at the lack of variety.
3. Please don't act surprised that you actually have to pay when we tell you the total and request money from you. (well...due to the crummy economy, you CAN act surprised at the amount,I guess) Oh...and lets dig those coupons out of the bottomless purse BEFORE I finish ringing up your order.
4. Guess what? When you come up to me, look at my name badge and say..."do you work here"? You will be labeled an idiot, and we will talk about you after you leave.
5. Above rule also applies if you are next in line watching me ring up another customer, and when I finish with them you ask..."are you still open?"
I'm not kidding here. Numbers 4 and 5 happen several times a week.
Thanks for listening.